Meet the Alternatives

Okay, Anne and Jade here writing together. For the past week, we have been struggling to find an answer to a problem which sounds a lot like an introduction to a strange joke for the mentally insane … How do you get ten alternate personalities to write about themselves?

If anyone thinks this is easy, think again. This is the only solution we could come up with: meet with all the alternates, request it, and wait for them to respond.

We have started the ball rolling for all of us and let the others do what they want. It is what it is, and I am, we are, what we are.

Here’s to getting to know us, starting with Mouse, and we apologise for Ray in advance.

The Alternatives

Mouse (The Original/Our Creator):

Mouse is eight years old, and she is the clever cookie that created all of us alternates. This is Jade writing to help Mouse because she has had an attack of shyness. I’m going to let her speak to me, and I will write this for her.

She wants you to know she has long blonde hair and blue eyes, her favourite flowers are daisies, her favourite food is ice cream and she really, really likes Liam Neeson because he has a nice voice. I just asked her if she likes us more and all I got was a yes followed with a giggle.

Mouse doesn’t like the dark, spiders, mean people, and never ever wants to be alone because it’s scary.

Oh, most of all she loves Steven (our son), and Jed the dog and Scabby the cat. She’s gone all shy again, so that's all I am going to get her to tell you for now.

Jade (Main Alter):

Hi, I’m the main alter, which to the ordinary normal sane people reading means I have the body’s name. However, I am not the original personality.

Being the main alter, I am the conductor of our personality orchestra, which tends to go off and play whatever music it likes a lot of the time!

I like my unusual life, it’s the only one I know. I don’t think I have a body-snatch option (can you imagine that? Can I have this in size 8!) so liking life with nine other alters is a good thing. There’s no getting out, and I wouldn’t want to!

Anne (New Alter, born 12 October 2015):

Hello, I am the newest alternate to join the group, and I believe I was born to help the others work towards healing from the abuse that created our DID.

To do this, I have had to meet them all and work towards communicating effectively. It was my idea to write about it. We have a long way to go, and I hope by sharing our story, society might understand our disorder a little bit better. I’m invested in their story, which by default, is also mine.

Peter (Sociopath Alter):

Hello, not sure telling everyone I am a sociopath is a great conversation starter, but it is the truth. I am what life made me capable of being. I am also one of two male alters, and just to confuse you, I am straight, which has made this life difficult at times to be part of.

I was the first alter created by Mouse when she was 4 years old making me Mouse’s first friend. Since then I have done my best to protect and take care of all the new alters as they came into being. I love them all, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them.

I also love being a father to Steven (our son). He continues to be my greatest accomplishment and an abundant well of absolute pure joy.

I hope you like the book Anne and Jade have written. I am very proud of them and look forward to a future where the past can finally be laid to rest.

Zen (Spiritual Alter):

Namaste, friends. Welcome to our website and an insight into our life.

My purpose in this life is to help the others meditate and meet while trying to keep a karmic soul balance filled with love, light, and peace. I try to remind them all to let go of anger and be kind in thought and deed, unsuccessfully at times, but the gift is always in the giving.

Blessed be to you all and welcome again to our journey. Let’s pray we walk an enlightened path towards reaching our goals.

Nancy (Money Managing Alter/Self-Professed Bitch):

Wait, you called me a bitch again? You do know that I am okay with that right?

Moving on ... For the record, this is boring and stupid. Why do I have to write about myself? Because someone said it would be good on the website. Well, bugger them and the horse they rode in on. And you put me after the patchouli-wearing, tree-hugging hippie? That’s it, I’m out. Call me when you have something intelligent to ask.

Seriously, sometimes being part of you all is an exercise in futility.

BTW: try to give up smoking again, I double dog dare you!

Neil (Animal Alter/Protector):

Hello, it’s Anne writing for Neil as he is not much of a talker.

Neil is male, and also our only animal alter. He is a lion as well as a man.

He has been psychologically tested and found to have psychopathic tendencies, which are fortunately only situational and reactive, but he has the ability to kill. When questioned about this, I recommend not attacking us, then there will be no reason for Neil to defend us like another person would when attacked. The only difference is that Neil would not be afraid to take a life if he thought he had to in order to protect us.

Jane (Grandmother Alter):

Oh, hello! Anne is being a dear and typing this out for me, sweet girl that she is, so obliging and never any cheek, not like some of the others, not mentioning names mind you, as that would be very impolite indeed.

Now, where was I? About me ... it is vulgar to ask a lady her age so suffice to say that I am in my late sixties but can still keep up with them all. They would be lost without me as I take care of the body and all of its needs.

I enjoy cooking and keeping a tidy house. Cleanliness is next to godliness, I always say, and a neat home is a welcoming one.

I have also enjoyed being part of Anne and Jade’s book writing. I'm very proud of them and even prouder of my brave little Mouse for allowing them to write about all the dark, terrible things. Goodbye and God bless.

Lucy (Sexual Alter):

Hi, my name is Lucy! The others tease me sometimes and call me Lucy Loose, but I don’t mind, and I am as the title suggests.

I am very sexual and see nothing wrong with that. I don’t see anything wrong with using men for sex, as long as they don’t mind. They haven’t so far, neither do I. Sex is sex! My love is reserved for the others, mostly Mouse and Steven. We all love Steven!

I am also the one who married us to Roger. I wanted a husband, and the deal is I can have him as long as I don’t cheat and I am the only one who has sex with him. I don’t mind. I like a man who is trainable.

Looking forward to getting to know you, kisses xo

Ray or Crazy Ray (Fun Alter):

Banana fofana, book shtook. Hiya, peep weeps and twatwaffle donuts, look at me all writing and stuff, woohoo!

Music and dancing are the best things, singing is better, fave song at the moment is Unguarded Moment by The Church, all music rocks but not opera, that sucks and you can’t sing along loudly-lungs to it.

Food, there’s food, food is awesome, ice cream is the best, so is Vegemite, coffee is only good with heaps of caramel.

Gotta goes, I’m out, and pants-fire-dancing-dance to do, Macho Man cos The Village People rock, ooh ACDC.

P.S. We did apologise for Ray, right? Possibly should apologise for Nancy as well … sorry about that!